By Xiaoyan
Dear mom,
How is everything going? Have you been busy lately? We haven’t seen each other for a long time. You must have gained a lot through experiencing God’s work, am I right? How I wish I could meet you and listen to your experiences. My father always comforts me, saying that you will be back soon. Nevertheless, I miss you very much.
I put your photo between the pages of my book which I took of you on the day of my High School Entrance Examination. Whenever missing you, I’ll take it out, and watch you smiling at me with your hand in a scissor gesture like a child. Mom, looking at your picture, I’ll miss you, miss your dishes, miss your hugs, and miss your chatters…. But because of the persecution and arrest of CCP, you had to leave my father and me.
Mom, do you know? The day when I heard the news that the police went to our hometown to arrest you, I knew you had to leave home. Though I couldn’t bear parting with you, I knew it’s very dangerous for you to stay at home. Six years ago, the police arrested you and detained you for your belief in God, which had broken our peaceful life. So many years have passed, yet the police still always come to our house to ask for your information. It is God’s protection that they didn’t meet up with you many times. However, who knows what will happen when next time they come for you? If you hadn’t left home, I am not sure whether or not they could arrest you in the future.
Mom, I was unwilling to leave you, but I was quite clear that in this atheist nation that regards God as an enemy, you cannot go on staying at home. I worry about you very much, but I would rather you stay outside than be arrested by the police at home. As long as you are safe every day, my father and I will be satisfied.
Mom, do you know? In the past, Sunday is a pleasant day full of expectation for me. On Sundays our family could have a meeting together and sing hymns and praise God. But now, it has become an impossible request, for everywhere are surveillance cameras and people who monitor Christians on the streets, in neighborhoods, and in the stairs. I dare not sing hymns of praising God loudly anymore, and you are not with us. How I wish we could sit together one day and sing our favorite hymn of God’s word again.
Mom, I’m going to take the final exam soon, but I don’t want to recite political text at all. When reciting the socialist core values “strong country, democracy, civilization, harmony, freedom, equality, justice, and law,” I felt very sad, because these words are hollow promise for people. For us Christians, they are nothing but empty talk. The CCP government never treats us according to democracy, freedom, justice or law. In China, we Christians not only do not have human rights or the religious freedom, but suffer the arrest and persecution of the CCP. We have no way to survive in China. So I feel awfully sick whenever seeing these words.
I saw God’s words saying, “Forefathers of the ancient? Beloved leaders? They all oppose God! Their meddling has left all beneath heaven in a state of darkness and chaos! Religious freedom? The legitimate rights and interests of citizens? They are all tricks for covering up sin! … Why put up such an impenetrable obstacle to the work of God? Why employ various tricks to deceive God’s folk? Where is the true freedom and legitimate rights and interests? Where is the fairness? Where is the comfort? Where is the warmth? Why use deceitful schemes to trick God’s people? Why use force to suppress the coming of God? Why not allow God to freely roam upon the earth that He created? Why hound God until He has nowhere to rest His head?” God’s words tell me that the so-called “religious freedom” and “the legitimate rights and interests of citizens” are all the tricks of the CCP for deceiving and confusing people. Its essence is the devil that resists God and is hostile to God. The CCP resists and condemns the second coming of the Lord Jesus even more crazily and doesn’t spare manpower, material, and money to carry out different ruses and means to hinder God’s work and arrest and persecute Christians, even the old ones like my grandmother. I really want to cry out, “What’s wrong with our believing in God? Why were my grandmother and mom arrested for their belief? Why are they forced to leave home?” However, I know that in China I have no right to come out in defense of you and grandmother. The CCP’s rumors and fallacies have spread over the whole country and have confused many people who don’t know the truth. If it were not for my personal experience, I would never have known my motherland that I once deeply respected actually persecutes us believers so cruelly and it is a country full of lies and violence. It has cruelly disjoined our family, and makes us not know when we can meet each other.
Mom, honestly speaking, when I miss you, I feel a little weak. But my faith grows each time I think of this passage of God’s words that you read to me, “Do not be discouraged, do not be weak, I will reveal to you. The road to the kingdom is not that smooth, nothing is that simple! You want blessings to come easy, right? Today everyone will have bitter trials to face, otherwise the loving heart you have for Me will not grow stronger and you will not have true love for Me. Even if it is just minor circumstances, everyone must get through them, it’s just that they differ to some degree. The circumstance is one of My blessings, how many often kneel before Me to ask for My blessing? Silly children! You always feel that a few lucky words count as My blessing, yet don’t feel that bitterness is one of My blessings. Those who share in My bitterness shall certainly share My sweet. That is My promise and My blessing to you.” Yes! Though we suffer the pain of separation, I am not afraid because God is our rock and staunch support. Besides, through reading God’s words and having meetings, I also understand the intention of God in this circumstance: Only by experiencing such a harsh circumstance, can we see through the CCP government’s ugliness and forsake and betray it in our hearts; otherwise, I would have continued to sing its praises. Through experiencing all this, I also have gained some knowledge of God’s authority. It is God’s protection that you could escape being arrested safely when the police came to our home time after time. Now, though you have left home, at least our hearts are linked and we are all safe, and we can regularly have meetings, read God’s words and perform our duties. Mom, I am no longer weak, so you don’t need to worry about me. I have grown up, become independent, and learnt to pray to God and rely on Him!
Mom, do you know? Now I can help Dad do some chores including buying vegetables, cooking meals, and doing some cleaning. Sometimes my inability to do some things made me feel trouble. For example, sometimes when cooking meals, I scalded my arm with the oil and I complained, not wanting to cook anymore However, I relied on God to learn to cook little by little, and now Dad praises my cooking. In life, when I encounter difficulties, I speak to God, and our brothers and sisters also help me, and we get along well with each other. It is all the effect God’s word has achieved on me. Now you are not at my side, but I can see God’s guidance in everything. With God’s company and leading, I’m safe and sound, which makes me feel God’s true love. Just as God’s words says, “All that God does for every individual is beyond doubt; He leads everyone by the hand, looks after you at every moment and has never left your side.”
Mom, I really want to share my experiences with you face to face, but now the CCP is cracking down on us Christians more fiercely than ever, so we can’t meet. And I also know you have more important work to do, for God’s words say, “Are you aware of the burden you shoulder, your commission, and your responsibility? Where is your historic sense of mission? … Have you forgotten that you are one of the victims? Out of your love for God, are you not willing to strive to save those who have survived? Are you not willing to use all your effort to repay the God who loves mankind like His own flesh and blood? How do you interpret being used by God to live your extraordinary life? Do you really have the resolution and confidence to live out a meaningful life of a pious, God-serving person?” That’s right. Today, it is God’s uplifting that we could have the good fortune to come before God, firmly believe that it is a true way and gain the supply of God’s words. But lots of people, who truly believe in God, still haven’t come before God, and God is still worrying about them. Mom, though I can’t spread the gospel and witness God outside like you, my dad and I can perform our duties in the local church. This is the grace of God.
Mom, Let’s end it here. Take care of yourself! And more depend on God!
Your loving daughter,
Xiaoyan
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