Xiaoli Henan Province
Since I was small, my desire for reputation was always very strong, and when I interacted with people I paid particular attention to my own image, my status in other people’s eyes, and their assessment of me. So I always allowed other people to have any convenience, any benefits, and I just buried difficulties or grievances in my heart. I didn’t express those things to anyone, and when other people experienced difficulties I would always think of ways to help them. So in my parents’ eyes, I was a good girl; I was a real delight. In my neighbors’ and friends’ eyes, I was warm and generous. After getting married, I also got along very well with my husband’s family. When my sister-in-law and brother-in-law found partners and got married, I was running around like crazy. I contributed both money and effort, and I shared the burden with my parents-in-law. Before long I had become the good daughter-in-law and the good big sister. In reality, at that time I was exhausted every day and I was worn out to my very core because I was always tiptoeing around to maintain my relationships with other people and taking care of everyone else’s feelings; I would monitor their expressions and then speak accordingly. I was afraid of hurting someone else and leaving them with a bad impression, and damaging my own reputation. After gaining these “good names,” in my heart I felt proud, and that the price I had paid was worth it. I felt that I was very successful as a human being. I frequently thought to myself: If someday I encounter any difficulties, my friends, family, and neighbors will definitely extend a helping hand to me and help me out of my troubles. But just as I was basking in my “accomplishments” as a human being, a disaster came out of nowhere—it completely destroyed my fantasy and changed my views.
